In a world of doomsday headlines (global warming, mass shootings, hate and terror attacks, rising rates of depression, suicides and addictions, broken families and child neglect and abuse), it can be challenging to find something to feel positive about. Well, here’s something that can uplift your heart—a recent study of more than 60,000 participants in the U.S. and 23 European countries found that prosocial (giving) people had higher incomes and more children than those with lower prosocial scores.
What does it mean to be prosocial?
While prosociality has been studied in different ways and with a variety of instruments, it attempts to describe the personality characteristics of people who care about others and who tend to be more empathetic, nurturing, supportive, caring, and giving. It’s basically the opposite of selfish—which has been defined as people who are more utilitarian, less present, less attentive, and less mindful.
So, it pays to have a heart? Who knew?
Not surprisingly, most people surveyed suspected that giving-types of people might have more kids yet thought such generous types probably made less money.
I guess the good guy (er, person) does win.
A question becomes why do people believe that generous people make less money than selfish people? Is it possible the few wealthy bullies that repeatedly fill the headlines lead us to the wrong conclusion and feed the cynicism that the good people finish last? Or is it from the storylines that plague movies and television series that perpetually portray the evil villain at the top who has all the money?
Perhaps we need a call for heroes. Our everyday heroes.
Once upon a time in WWII era, the U.S. government required that movies only portray messages that supported the U.S. and its allies. You can say it was a bit of propaganda. Stories and the movies we consume do impact us and shape our beliefs.
After WWII ended, there continued to be a positive aim in Hollywood producing feel-good movies and television shows. Leave it to Beaver, The Adventures of Ozzy & Harriet, and I Love Lucy streamed into homes modeling families that loved each other and stuck together through simple everyday challenges. Slowly reality seeped in as sitcoms like Maude and All in the Family took on formerly banned and controversial subjects. People applauded as it more accurately reflected their families and experiences.
Today, we have endless so-called “reality” TV-dramas, fake news, and Emmy-winning shows like Breaking Bad and Jodie Comer’s sociopath assassin character in Killing Eve (Don’t get me wrong as I loved watching Killing Eve [Congratulations, Jodie!] and Breaking Bad).
The point is that maybe we should take pause and consider the number of negative messages we consume and how we may, as a society, be reinforcing selfishness and the perception that it pays to be selfish. Instead, (calling all script writers, filmmakers and storytellers…and parents who share stories and lessons with their kids) let’s start talking about the everyday heroes in our lives. Like the person who stopped and helped you pick something up when you didn’t even ask. The person who takes the time to initiate the neighborhood barbeque. The friend who drops everything to be there when you’re in despair. The uncle who shares time, laughter and wonderful conversations. The people who remember your birthday and take the time to give you a genuinely thoughtful gift.
I am fortunate that I could recite bunches of people and their amazing acts of kindness and love (some I just alluded to above), yet I will share this recent story. An incredibly gifted, talented & highly successful woman who consults on politics and terrorism and makes a difference in our world every day dropped everything to come visit me in the emergency room. Another amazing hero soul-sister who works with her and was across the country learned I was in the ER and texted her colleague about my situation. I can’t believe this ultra-busy and important woman dropped everything to visit me. I was beyond shocked and dumbfounded. I felt unworthy of her time, especially in light of all the urgent and important work that she does. Yet, her generosity, heart and prosocial intelligence made her visit.
It was such a gift and the most incredible timing as I was alone and frightened in that moment while waiting for a test result (that turned out okay). I am forever grateful to both of these incredible women. Knowing the kind of work they do in the world gives me hope for our future and inspires me daily. They have not let politics, sexism, or seemingly hopeless work destroy their heart. In fact, they are braver and bolder for expanding the bounds of their hearts and continuing to work with heart, empathy, care, presence, and generosity.
THE BASICSThese heroes live among us and its these stories we need to remember and recount to others as they serve as models for being our best selves. Selfishness will destroy the world and the systems and freedoms democracies get to enjoy. You don’t have to be selfish to get ahead. Practice empathy, mindfulness and caring for others. Be giving. Share your time and presence. Let your heart shine. Be a hero to others. Plus, it pays!;)